thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know her cup size but not her name....
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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