I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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