Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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