he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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