I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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