Define "chronic" masturbator.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
