Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
