when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize