She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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