Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
