he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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