just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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