Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
