Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
