dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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