ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
