i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
