Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
