Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
