He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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