i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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