guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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