too bad you live with your parents still
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize