Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
