ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
