We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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