I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
