Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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