I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
