Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
