why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
