I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and she was petting her beer can
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
