I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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