I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
