thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
