Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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