In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
