He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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