I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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