You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize