it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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