Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize