Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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