Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
