May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
