I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
