the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
