listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize