I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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