walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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