it was like his penis was on wheels.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
