Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
