so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
