an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
