grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
