I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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