I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
