Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
