I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
