The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
