i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
