So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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