remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
