Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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