AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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