i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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