why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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